Friday, December 2, 2011

The Real Fog

I’ve been struggling this year with some issues that feel awfully vague.

  • I’ve been having trouble getting myself to sit down and do my freelance indexing work. Am I lazy or unmotivated?

  • I’m sleepy all the time. Even when I’ve only been awake a couple of hours, I want to close my eyes again. What is wrong with me? How can I get more engaged with the world around me?

  • I feel as if I’m in a fog. Am I depressed?

  • Some of these experiences, no doubt, are part of my grief journey. But this has been going on since long before I knew my father was dying.

Then one day I suddenly noticed that the page in front of me was blurry. Even though it had only been six months since I’d been to the eye doctor, I decided to go get checked out.

I have cataracts.

I have cataracts. The lenses of my eyes are cloudy. This changes everything. Everything!

  • I’ve been having trouble getting myself to sit down and do my freelance indexing work. I’m not lazy, I’m not hating the work. It’s just hard to concentrate on words and sentences when you can’t see them clearly.

  • I feel sleepy all the time. I want to close my eyes. Um, yeah. For one thing, it’s physically tiring continually trying to see through a haze. And for another, it’s hard to tell the difference between “sleepy” and “my eyes want to close."

  • The reason I cranked out my neck is that I was squinching around trying to see the text I was working on.

  • I feel as if I’m in a fog. It’s not depression. It’s a real fog!!!


The fog is real.

The reason so much of this is coming out in italics is that I am amazed at how consistently I have interpreted physical symptoms as psychological problems. Amazed! The fog is real!!! And yet I keep doing it.

The first thing that happened after I found out was that within a few days my eyes seemed to be worse. I called the doctor to ask whether this is a common psychological reaction. No, he said, when they get to this point they go downhill fast. You may notice changes even overnight.

It’s a physical symptom.

Even now, a month later, I catch myself. I’m driving to an appointment. I tell myself, “Wake up! Why are you still sleepy? Pay attention!” Oh. I’m not sleepy. It’s my blurred vision.

It’s a physical symptom.

So I wonder--what else am I misinterpreting? Is this about trusting, not judging, myself? Is it about the specific role of vision in my life? I want to explore this some more.

How did I miss it?

And I’m trying to figure out how I missed it.

This condition has been gradually getting worse for months, if not years. And yet I went along not noticing it.

This probably happens pretty often with things that get gradually worse. If it had happened all at once, I would have been all over it. But a little bit at a time felt normal—until it went over the edge.

I’m proud of myself for going straight to the doctor. For taking myself seriously.

What else am I missing?

Join me in the comments!

No advice, please. But I’d love to hear your experiences. What have you missed? What have you misinterpreted?

52 comments:

  1. I'm so glad you've figured this out, and that there is a solution. I like where you say it had been getting gradually worse, and because it was so slow, you could accept it. I think this is true not only of things that we'll be able to change once we catch them, but also of those that there really is no remedy for. If we found out all at once, it could be too overwhelming, but if it's slow, when we eventually realize what's going on, just maybe we can be okay with it. Thanks for posting, and I love you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ooh, Marsha, what a good insight. I'll have to think about that some more. Love you too!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Đông trùng hạ thảo giúp tăng cường sinh lý nam giới hiệu quả , ngoài ra dong trung ha thao còn giúp trẻ lâu hơn ,... Mắt là cửa sổ của tâm hồn , chính vì vậy để mắt luôn luôn sáng là quan trọng nhất , nhưng nếu mắt mờ thì bạn nên dùng thuoc bo mat sẽ giúp mắt sáng hơn. Thoái hóa cột sống là vấn đề mà nhiều người gặp phải đặc biệt là người gia , vậy chua thoai hoa cot song trị bằng cách nào và trị ờ đâu?.. . Thâm nách khiến cho các chị em mất tự tin khi diện áo 2 dây , vì vậy nên dùng tham nach sẽ giúp các nàng có được làn da sáng đẹp dưới nách . Muốn trắng da phải làm sao và dùng thuoc trang da tot nhat mua ở đâu , kem chong nang tot là những câu hỏi mà các chị em luôn luôn đặt ra. Bồ sung dinh dưỡng cho bà bầu là rất quan trọng , những thực phẩm cho bà bầu như trứng , bột yến mạch ,.. rất tốt cho mẹ và bé .Dùng mướp đắng hằng ngày nhưng bạn có bao giờ biết những công dụng mướp đắng như thế nào hay không ! Cùng tìm hiểu nhé .

      Delete
  3. Whoa. I don't blame you for thinking depression -- that's totally what I was thinking too. And then, lightbulb moment! Too cool.

    I've kind of had the same thing, in that, when I wear my contacts, I tire quickly, have trouble focussing, etc. I know exactly what's happening, but it *feels* so real!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yes, Shanna, the next project is to unhook my feelings from the physical experience--or at least to be clearer about what's happening. Tricky when I know the mind and body are intrinsically connected!

    ReplyDelete
  5. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  6. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete


  7. http://www.shopbestgoods.com/
    http://www.nike-jordanshoes.com/
    http://www.beatsbydreoutlet.net/
    http://www.michaelkorsus.com/
    http://www.polo-tshirts.com/
    http://www.northsclearance.com/
    http://www.ralph-laurensale.com/
    http://www.gucci-shoesuk2014.com/
    http://www.michael-korsstates.com/
    http://www.polo-outlets.com/
    http://www.ralph-laurenhome.com/
    http://www.marcjacobsonsale.com/
    http://www.mcmworldwides.com/
    http://www.salongchamppairs.com/
    http://www.canada-gooser.com/
    http://www.burberryoutlet2014.com/
    http://www.michaelkors.so/
    http://www.hermes-outletonline.com/
    http://www.oakley-sunglassfactory.com/
    http://www.north-faceoutlets.net/
    http://www.moncler-clearance.com/
    http://www.woolrich-clearance.com/
    http://www.barbour-jacketsoutlet.com/
    http://www.moncler-jacketsoutletonline.com/
    http://www.monsterbeatsbydres.net/
    http://www.louis-vuittonblackfriday.com/
    http://www.lv-guccishoesfactory.com/
    http://www.mcmoutlet-jp.com/
    http://www.cheapdiscountoutlet.com/
    http://coachoutlet.iwopop.com/
    http://www.coachsfactoryoutlet.com/
    http://www.coach-blackfriday2014.com/
    http://www.coach-storeoutletonline.com/
    http://www.coach-factorysoutletonline.com/
    http://www.coachccoachoutlet.com/
    http://www.coach-factories.net/
    http://www.coach-pursesoutletonline.com/
    http://www.coach-outletsusa.com/
    http://www.mksfactoryoutlet.com/
    http://www.zxcoachoutlet.com/
    http://www.mischristmas.com/
    http://www.misblackfriday.com/
    http://www.bestcustomsonline.com/
    http://www.newoutletonlinemall.com/
    http://www.clickmichaelkors.com/
    http://www.cmichaelkorsoutlet.com/
    http://www.ralphlaurenepolo.com/
    http://michaelkorsoutlet.mischristmas.com/
    http://mcmbackpack.mischristmas.com/
    http://monsterbeats.mischristmas.com/
    http://northfaceoutlet.mischristmas.com/
    http://mk.misblackfriday.com/
    http://coachoutlet.misblackfriday.com/
    http://coachfactory.misblackfriday.com/
    http://uggaustralia.misblackfriday.com/
    http://coachpurses.misblackfriday.com/
    http://coachusa.misblackfriday.com/
    http://coach.misblackfriday.com/
    http://michaelkorss.misblackfriday.com/
    http://michaelkors.misblackfriday.com/
    http://airmax.misblackfriday.com/
    http://michael-kors.misblackfriday.com/
    https://www.facebook.com/pages/Coach-Factory-Outlet-Online-Store-Michael-Kors-Outlet-Online-Sale-75-Off/712060898859091
    https://www.facebook.com/pages/Ralph-Lauren-Polo-Outlet-Online-Sale/1404100279810690
    https://www.facebook.com/pages/Cheap-Beats-By-Dre-Outlet/626761787442143

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Watch UFC 207 live

      Watch UFC 207 live stream

      UFC 207 live

      UFC 207 live stream

      UFC 207 live stream online

      UFC 207 live

      UFC 207 live

      UFC 207 live

      207 UFC, Ronda Rousey vs Amanda Nunes UFC 207., Rousey vs Nunes Live, UFC 207 Live, UFC 207 Live Free, UFC 207 Live Online, UFC 207 Live Stream, UFC 207 Live Stream Free, UFC 207 Live Streaming, UFC 207 Live Streaming Free, Watch UF 207, Watch UFC 207, Watch UFC 207 Live, Watch UFC 207 Live Free, Watch UFC 207 Live Online, Watch UFC 207 Live Stream, Watch UFC 207 Live Stream Free, Watch UFC 207 Live Streaming, Watch UFC 207 Live Streaming Free;

      Delete
  8. việc cần thiết là nên giữ vệ sinh cho bé cũng như sử dụng các dưỡng chất kem chống hăm penaten cho bé. Lựa chọn sữa tắm trẻ em penaten là quyết định đúng của mọi chị em phụ nữ. Ngoài việc giữ vệ sinh khô thoáng cho trẻ, bạn nên sử dụng đến phấn trị rôm sảy cho bé để tránh bị rôm sảy. Việc lựa chọnsữa dưỡng da cho bé sơ sinh là điều mà nhiều bà mẹ đâu đầu. dau massage penaten là sự lựa chọn hàng đầu cho các bà mẹ trên thế giới. Viên uống bổ sung swanson niacin là sự kết hợp độc đáo giữa Vitamin B3 và Niacin. kem trắng răng perl weiss được nghiên cứu bởi các chuyên gia hàng đầu của Đức về lĩnh vực chăm sóc răng miệng. dung dịch dưỡng da giúp giảm các dấu hiệu lão hóa. Dung dịch organic witch hazel của Mỹ chiết xuất 100% thành phần thảo dược tự nhiên được thu hoạch từ rừng ở New England

    ReplyDelete
  9. The Tennessee Titan Flag is viewable from both sides with the opposite side being a reverse image.Fly your Tennessee Titan Flag with our tailgate pole or 6' aluminum flagpole and adjustable flag bracket.dallas cowboys american flag
    cowboys stars and stripes flagsFalcons house divided flags
    Ravens american flags

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks for the information presented on your website
    Very in waiting for other information

    cara penularan hepatitis
    obat urat syaraf kejepit
    penyebab infeksi rahim

    ReplyDelete
  11. The news that you present is very useful .. hopefully other news as well
    You can share .. success
    obat kelainan katup jantung tradisional
    khasiat sambiloto
    obat herbal kanker ovarium

    ReplyDelete
  12. where is the latest information from this site ??
    Very in waiting for the latest information ,, good luck

    jenis jenis hernia anak
    obat paru paru tradisional
    obat herbal kanker testis

    ReplyDelete
  13. Congratulations reactivities ,, highly awaited new information from this site
    Good luck !!
    obat kulit gatal berair
    obat gabagen tradisional
    obat kista sebasea tradisional

    ReplyDelete
  14. Your site is very helpful we are very waiting for the latest information
    Good luck to all of us

    obat tukak lambung herbal
    obat varikokel tradisional
    obat tradisional mastitis

    ReplyDelete

  15. The news that you present is very useful .. hopefully other news as well
    You can share .. success
    Best regards..will run activetas

    obat campak tradisional
    tanaman obat rematik tradisional
    makanan baik untuk organ hati
    obat ruam gatal di kulit vagina ampuh

    ReplyDelete
  16. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Good luck ,, in waiting for other information from your site
    send regards for success

    obat batu empedu paling manjur
    cara mengobati gangguan irama jantung

    ReplyDelete

I'm excited to read your thoughts and reactions! Easiest way to comment: Where it says "Comment as," click the drop-down arrow and choose "name/URL" Then just type your name (and your website if you want).